huh ... long time i didn't write a blog ...

SPM is around corner .... due to this , i'm busy to do my things ... i'm seldom on9 & chat with my frens thought MSN ... but i love now ... coz , i can do whatever i like to do ... seldom hang out with my fren ... ofter thinking my hubby , when i stay alone at home ....

thinking how he live & study now .... waiting for him get back ... miss the time we dated to see show ... like to hug him at LRT .... sometime he was naughty to made me laugh ....

maybe sometime he will make me sad & wanna cry ... but i still love he ... coz he is my ben ben , the guy who i love ... wanna hear his vocie , wanna call him , but dunno wat he is doing ... so i choose don't disturb him ...

this the WAY i choose to love him ...

huh... i can ensure my heart now ...

i can ensure my heart is going die soon ... since the minture u telling me u dunno will i did that ... mean u choose to don't BELIEVE in me ... i really feel up set to hear wat r u telling to me ...
this is the way that u choose to hurt me ... becuase of her ... maybe we shouldn't started this relastionship ... coz u really dunno how to appreciate a gal who really love u ... coz u only know the way how to hurt her ... i know a WOUND inside my heart that u made it ... it is can't RESCUE ....
THANK YOU u to make me clear ... wat was u hv did to me ... don't TRY to tell me u still love me ... i'm NOT the person that u love at all ... this is wat i can get on this few days ....

my mood change in to complicated ~

haha ... my mood change in to complicated ... due to i saw a testi from my bf' ex sent to him ...

haha ... pain ... this morning logon msn meet him ... i feel happy coz ... the 1st thing come in my mind when the second i get up is my
hubby ... my bf ... how was he , has he on9 , can i chat with him ...

that's y i so happy to saw him on9 everytime ... however , he didn't hv time to chat with me ...

when the second i saw the testi ... suddenly i felt , do him love me anymore ? y everytime we hv nothing to chat ? it is he too busy ? if yes , i can accept it ... coz he is study , i won't blame him ...
since i read the testi i notice he hv on9 & chat with his ex ... haha ...

quite funny ... my bf has no time to chat with me ... but he has time to chat with his ex ...
always say we is turning to he's ex status ... so mean ? we will be break up soon ?
maybe u hv found it u no really love me at all ...

well ... i try to dun think so much ... i will wait for ur an answer ... till the day is come , when u tell me , u not love me ... then i will let u go ...

how long didn't i post my blog ?

huh ... how long didn't i post my blog ? haha , i think 9 days i didn't ... hehe ... y didn't i post my blog ??? erm ... a bit lazy + dunno y should i post ... wakaka

see , how lazy that i am ... haha ... spm is coming soom , yet i still on holiday mood ... sob sob ... i will die soon !!! who can help me ???????? i think nobody , right ? wakaka ... don't care !!!

lazy , lazy , lazy ... i remember rainy yong said if a word say 3 times mean it is true .... hehe ...

i really lazy now ... hope to find a place to hide myself to get some leisure life ...

miss my anut's house at pahang ... coz my leisure life that i hope can get it at there !!! i MISS U , pahang !!!

lol ~ my ben ben so careless !!! get sick !!!

haiz ... ANGRY le ... ben ben so CARELESS !!! didn't take k himself ... lol

due to changed season , he get sick ... SORE THROAT , FEVER , FLU , COUGH ...

ben ben , dun let me to worry u ... ok ? dear dear hope u can get recover soon !!!

i want my ben ben stay healthy always & keep smiling face to everyone .

huh ... long time i didn't post my blog ~

today is the 1st day of PMR , due to this we have a week of vacation ... but i seem like moody to enjoy this vacation . because my legs pain till i can't move ... haiz ... i noticed that these few days i like to cry ... watch drama also cry , legs pain also cry , argue with daddy also cry ...

haiz ... no mood to do anything ... haiz ... when will my leg recover ... coz now i walk like cacat !!! huh ....

actually today can say is my UNLUCKY day , coz everything went wrong ~ 1st at the morning my bro urgent call me to bring his ticket by taxi ~ when i was on the way , suddenly recieved a call from my bro said no need to pass to him coz his had been late ...

get home also get scold by my daddy ~ haiz ... hate ....said i didn't take k my bro too only knew how to on9 ! haiz

huBbY recent picture !!!

yeah !!! my hubby recent picture ~ i like it ... miss u huBbY !!!

i don't know how was his studied ~ coz he never told me ...

misssssss u ... every secound , every minute when that i hv free ... i will miss u , thinking about u ... haha ...

worry about him , did he has enought sleep ? haiz ... ben ben ...

today went to skul , hoh my class hv many things happend o ~

haiz , actually is who r wrong ? dunno ...

wat is happend ? dunno ...

swt ... i just a day didn't go to skul ...

wow ...

a true friendship can broke esaiest ?

who can answer me ?

y most of my fren who arround me also have some problem about frens ?

really hope my fren can esteem our friendship !!!

sorry hubby ~

sorry for i annoyed with u ...

because sometime u seem like too busy to do ur things ...

but i hope u will give sometime for me to hv a chat with me ...

sometime hope u will ask me "wat r u hv done dear " or u will tell me how was ur day in london

although is a small thing ...

yet i also will happy that u share with me ...

miss u voice , ur hug ... hope u can always beside me ...

hApPy mOOncAkE feStIvaL o ...

can i be a selfish gal ?

sometime i really hope that i'm a person who r a selfish gal ... i wish i can be selfish to my hubby , i won't allow him to find his ex or the gal who he like be4 either they find him ... but i know i can't ... coz i hv to give him some freedom ...

everytime i view his profile , i will get hurt once again ... coz he still putting the pic that his ex love it & wrote DE LOVE FLOWER ... MY WIFE'S FAVOURITE ... MUAKX .. LOVE U HONEY ... the testi still there ... lou gong lou po ... but ... haiz ... wat is the value of me in his heart ? a lover of his ? or a fren that close with he only ? did he care about my feeling ?

promise me wanna change the phone number but nevr do it ... promise me won't find them but still keep in touch with them ... wat can i do is just assume he never do it & just hv me inside his heart ~

my heart doesn't allow me to be a selfish gal ... that's y i always get hurt by my lover & frens ... tired ...

dreaming about hubby !!!

feel tired ~ take a nap , still dream about hubby ... this few days worry about hubby in london , dunno how is he now ... many question hiding inside my heart ... dare not to ask ... this noon dreamt about him , in the dream , i meet him on9 ... asking him y seldom msg me , he answer me y any gal need ppl's attention even a minute ... asking me to give some freedom for him ..

i answered him "okay" ... then logoff ... when i get up felf this is so real scared me ... soon i go to on9 , and logon my frenster saw his testi that he sent to me around 4pm .... if i choose to be with him , should i believe on him ? should i give him some time?

i think yes ... i should do all this since i start to be with him ... love u , hubby ... miss u ... take a good care ... thank you hubby to be with me ...

tired + moody ~

i feel tired ... no just my body but my heart also felt tried 4 loving a person ~ a person that who i love the most careless about me ... tired to think about him again , but i can't stop think becoz my mind were full of him ~

thinking izzit he love me too ... how is he doing in london ... do he miss me like i do ??? although he got on-line but ... and i found a msg that he leave to a gal ... do u think the gal are more important than me ???

really feel tired ... i hope he know how i feel ... wish he can care about me ... do he know wat am i thinking about ? i lost my braveness to ask him do he love me ? y he seems to be so careless about me ... izzit he still still love her ?

inside my heart full of questions , can he answer it ???? can he notice it ??? no , right ... coz u never look after me ...

unhappy day ~

haiz ~ wake up on the morning went out hving breaksfast with parents but i get scold by my mother ... haiz ... is ok ... back home my mother scold again ... ok , fine ... i let she scold !!! i just hving a breakfast ... at the noon i went out to finess first , night go & find my mother at jusco ... get home brother was scolding coz we didn't buy a dinner for him ...



haiz ... this is not our fault coz we hv called home , but no ppl pick up the call .. my father thought him was hanging out with his frens ... haiz ... all scolding ... me also get scold ... none of my business also get scold ... haiz ...

hate ... i really hate today ... unhappy day for me !!!

yeah ~ belover went out with me yesterday !!!

haha... feel happy coz hubby went out with me yesterday !!! miss him so much ~ haha ~ watched naraka 19 with hubby !!! yeah , hving lunch with him at sushi king , taking pictures with him at sungai wang ... all of this i won't forget even he return to london ... coz i will remember what has he did for me ... i love u ...

chat with him by the phone till 2 am or so ... coz miss he's voice ... hubby , i miss u ... all the best for u to ur studies at london , i will always remember u & keep it work what that i have promise u ....

today ... is a sadness day for me , coz my hubby leaving kl at 11.35am ... i try to be strong but i can't do it ... when i was reach home switch on the phone hv received his two msg ... he wanna me to promise him work hard for SPM & take k for myself ... since i saw this msg my tears welled up in my eyes ....

now i 'm waiting his msg , coz he promise me if can to give me a msg when he reach there ...

beloved will return to london on fri ...

after i hving skul , i striaght away back home ... coz too tired & i dun have enough sleep on'yday ~

while i reach home my phone was on call by my belover ... he told me that his visa hving some problem , so he will return to london on fri ... not leave on tomorrow !!!

today i got back my add math paper , i failed it ... haiz !!! y i'm so stupid to taking the add math subject ??? haiz ... add math , will ipass in SPM ? but i think it is hard for me ...

hubby now hving tea time with his fren ... so miss him now ... hope can see him right now !!! but i know i can't ... coz i scared if i hug him i won't let him back to there again , my tears will loss control !!!

will i see him on tmr ? i wish i can see him ~ miss him ...

hubby not feeling well ~

i'm happy to wait for skul bell ring at the last period , coz my hubby will wait for me at the main door ~ i was rush to the main door while i was see him ~ he walk with me & we hving a leisure chat ... i love this felf , so romantic !!!

at the noon he told me he was not feeling well ~ i so worry about him , due to he not enough sleep !!! i was upset coz he can't accompany me today ... but just now we on the phone he told me he was ok .

at 4 pm or so , i was call my fren to accompany me hving a steamboot dinner at minda ~

but 1stly i hv to wait for my fren after she hv danced ... so i was follow her to the yoga dance !!! wow , the teacher is a great dancer ...

write on 11st sept but i post on today , coz i was too tired after hving my steamboot dinner !!! i hv to said sorry to my fren coz i accidentally did something to my fren while we hving dinner ~

i loss myselt !!!

this few weeks i'm living at moody life ~ i really dunno what kind of mood that i hv at the coming next minute ... i hv felt upset becuase of love ~ i really hate this kind of feeling can't share with my fren even i hv a lot of fren .. coz the image that i give my fren i'm a smiling , cheerful girl . so , i won't do something to let my fren worry about me ...

my beloved seldom be honest to me ... this make me feel worry , i dunno what he has think about it !!! i hope he will be honest to me , share his thing with me yet i can't help him ~ this make me feel i'm a useless gal , nothing can't do for him . he will leave soon , coz he need to return to london keep on his studies ...

he has no time to be with me this few days , coz he was accompanying his fren !!! he knew i felt annoyed to him because of this ... but he still did it !
now i loss confident , is it he love me ??? i can't find the answer ...

what is love ? this kinda love i really hate it , i loss myself become moody due to this !!!